need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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