She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
