you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just found puke in my bra..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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