meet me or not, i'm out of control
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
