ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
