I feel like I'm in dance class right now
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
