my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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