last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize