My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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