She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
