Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
