Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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