I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
