My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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