Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
