you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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