I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
