spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
