Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
