Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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