A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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