I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
