Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Couch. On fire.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
