I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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