if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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