I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
