Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize