so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so that wasnt chicken after all
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
