capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
