yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
