I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
