thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
