My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
