he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
