The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
