that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
