just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
