I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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