We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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