Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
PANTIES FOUND
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