so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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