franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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