i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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