the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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