What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
