Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
