i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
