is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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