i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
