wrigley field is MILF paradise
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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