Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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