I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize