my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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