I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
