Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
