we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you win again, gameday.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
