I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
