That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
