Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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