I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
