can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
