ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
