I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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