the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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