My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
We smell like vodka and hangover
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