how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
